In Paranormal 2, your character deals with a demon spirit that haunts your home. Have you ever been freaked out by something supernatural or other worldly?

My mother, older sister and I all suspected that our house was haunted – for various reasons that are too horrifying, mind-blowing and long-winded to get into here – but I will share one abbreviated story:  One night, after waiting tables on a break from college, I had an encounter with an evil entity on the grounds of my childhood home.

 I had just parked at the end of our driveway and was getting out of my car when I became aware of a presence.  It’s hard to describe what happened next, but suddenly I was seeing not only with my eyes, but the eyes of some unholy creature hovering in the air above and behind me.  It was as if this other being’s point of view was super-imposed on mine and I could feel its focus on the back of my neck, a corrupted desire to possess me from behind (ladies?).  I entered the early stages of freak-out and quickened my pace to the door. 

Like a stiff-legged, speed-walker trying hard not to shit his pants, I dug in with my heels, some shred of pride keeping me from breaking into a full sprint.  In response, the thing began to close on me rapidly.  Through its craven eyes I looked like a doomed rodent, scrambling hopelessly for shelter as the winged demon dove in for the slaughter.  I arrived at the door fumbling for my keys, the words, “fuck, fuck, fuck…” firing from my girly lips.  I was expanding impossibly fast in the creature’s vision, about to be devoured body and soul by some unseen horror, when the key finally turned.  I felt like something was trying latch-on to my back.  I shuddered and burst over the threshold, slamming and locking the door behind me before I was even inside. 

My entire body shook in a great, involuntary, spastic gesture – as if trying to free itself from the preternatural tingles that had invaded my spine from the nape of my neck to the tip of my taint.  Gathering myself, I surveyed the interior of my home and noticed a light was still on downstairs.  That was odd;  it was 2 o’clock in the morning.  Senses on high alert, I descended the stairs and discovered my two sisters – 22 and 15 years of age – huddled together in big sister’s bed like a pair of Bush Babies with post traumatic stress disorder.  This was even odder when you consider that not only did they hate each other, but when forced to share a bed just a year earlier, big sister had ended an epic cage match by snapping little sister’s middle finger like a Stella Dora breadstick. 

“What’s going on?” I asked in confusion and amusement.  Little sister, Francine, normally too cool for school:  “Something was outside my window trying to get in and I got scared so I came downstairs to find Karryn and she was already up with the light on because something was trying to get in her window too.”  I looked at big sister Karryn and she nodded, “Yeah, we’re not even kidding.  Something has been circling the house trying to gain access.  I think it’s the “Cutty Sow” (sp?).  Me:  “The what?”  “The Cutty Sow - I think that’s how you say it - it’s an ancient demonic banshee type thing that circles people’s houses and tries to get in.  If there is no entry, it waits outside until someone comes home and then tries to ride in on their back.”  W-T-F?!?  True Story.

As a young boy, which cartoon or live action kids’ TV character did you have a crush on?

Where do I start?  Off-hand… Daphne from Scooby-Doo, Cheetara from Thundercats, the Julie Newmar Catwoman. I could go on… and on… forever.  As an adult: all of those, plus pretty much any Disney princess a/o commoner, any Anime female and Erin e-surance.

What character on Yo Gabba Gabba can you relate to the most and why?

Brobee, because he’s dumb, hairy, long-armed and only has two emotions.

How has being a comic and an improviser helped you as a parent?

There are a lot of correct answers to this one, but most useful to me have been:

1) Trying to stay in - and enjoy - the moment

2) Learning to accept that you can’t control the narrative – there are several other people taking things in directions you couldn’t predict, prevent or prepare for.

What happened the first time you found yourself “in the weeds” as a parent and how did you recover?

I don’t remember the specific situation at the moment, but I know I’ve lost my shit George Bailey-style on more than one occasion.  I think I started out trying to reason with the little devils.  Exactly.  Then escalated into various threats including: “time-out”, “now we’re not going to Grandma’s” and “I’m texting Santa”.  When those failed, I snapped, turning into a human weed-whacker.  My kids were the unruly weeds and my hands the stinging strings of nylon.  I handed out spankings like candy on Halloween.  Then I tore down all their artwork and screamed, “I wish you’d never been born!  There!  I said it!  And it’s not just because I’m drunk!”  Then I bought them an X-Box and made pancakes.

Fill In The Blank:

If my kids see the video of the time I had to ACT they will never stop making fun of me.

I want to be my wife for one day just so I could have a lesbian encounter.

If you could outsource any aspect of parenting, what would it be?

Bending over.

What would be your dream role?

Indiana Jones?  Too late.  Ummm… I’d have to think about it, but maybe (nerd alert) Thomas Covenant:  Ur-Lord and Unbeliver, if they ever make those books into movies?  Or anything opposite Jeris Donovan.