This is what I gleaned from Gary's take on balance: balance is really about juggling periods of imbalance.  Okay, I can see that but, I'm going to take it a step further, people; life is good only when you are juggling periods of imbalance because "balance" itself is boring. It is lame. Balance, is completely overrated.  And, people who manage to "balance" everything all the time are not only boring they are BORED as well. These people don't laugh or cry or get mad.  They never fail or excel or risk. At best they are like drones, living out all aspects of their lives in carefully scheduled moderation. I shudder at the thought.  At worst, they are creepy pod-people. 

I know, it sounds crazy but hear me out.  When one excels at something (I think the example Gary used was Tiger Woods pre-golf club to the windshield.) chances are, there has been a lot of "time on task" to master that skill. Time on task plus talent plus more time on task is what it takes to get to be an elite athleteor writer or artist or carpenter or whatever.  You can’t get really, really good at something without a lot of practice.

So, using the Tiger Woods example, we can say with a degree of certainty that when Tiger's golf game was at its best, he must have been really focused onGOLF. Tiger didn’t get to be the best golfer of a generation because he had a ton of other hobbies. I promise you he skipped parent-teacher conferences, playing in the Windermere Corn-Hole Tourney and Banjo lessons.   When his golf sagged and his marriage crumbled, we can assume that his time on task was spent on activities other than driving, putting and taking his wife out to dinner.  Being a multiple-mistress cheater does require A LOT of time on task, though. Still not father of the year but at least he was having fun, right? Okay, maybe Tiger isn't really a good illustration for my balance theory. Too extreme.  He may needs meds or at least a personality over-haul. 

Instead, take me as an example. No, I'm not an elite athlete or elite anything for that matter.  I have a full time job.  So, automatically, there goes 40 hours I could be spending on learning to play the banjo or knitting or plotting the downfall of the GOP.  What? Cool! I can take that last “to do” off my list. That has been taken care of by busy former foster-mom Michelle Bachman and reality TV star, mistress of political intrigue and Mother of the Year Sarah Palin. 

Like a lot parents, my remaining time spent awake (just assume I am getting like maybe 6 hours a night, if I really apply myself.) can be divvied up into these categories: Kids, Husband, Parents, Housework, Cooking, Baking, Yard Work, Exercise, Recreation (almost entirely made up of HBO, Vampires and Zombies in our family) and Writing.  Baking is a whole category? Yes, well I am trying to get to the point where I bake all of the bread we eat at home.  I will deal with the ‘whys’ another day. 

Sometimes I am the world’s best daughter.  While my dad was in and out of the hospital and homebound recovering from surgery this past spring and summer, I spent a lot of time actively in the Parent category. As a result, I did almost zero yard work, my house is a wreck (yes, I blame cancer for my untidy home) and I slacked off on my workouts and I watched my (self-imposed) first-draft deadline come and go.  But that’s okay.  I am grateful for the time I got to spend helping care for my dad.  Mom and I bonded and shared a lot of delirious, sleep-deprived laughs. 

This week has been heavy on Kids stuff. Our son turned nine.  We did back to school shopping.  I made some last minute work schedule changes to allow time for hanging out with the kids the day before school starts.  Now school has started and I am monitoring homework, managing backpack contents and taking calls on the treadmill during lunch to speak with the nurse and secretary to deal with minor crises at school. Birthday Boy’s party is this weekend and I need to get busy on the yard (to the untrained eye, our patio is invisible under a ratty blanket of weeds) and cleaning my filthy house.  But, here I am, all unbalanced, trying to finish this blog for today’s (Sahmmy imposed) deadline.  I am pretty frazzled right now, yes. But, I have really had a lot of fun with the kids this past week.  The three of us spent the last weekend before school started at Falcon Camp’s Alumni Reunion. We slept on bunk beds, swam, paddle-boarded, played Gaga Ball, went horseback riding, sailing, did rifelry and archery.  But, my DH stayed home.  I feel a bit guilty because the Husband category has not been not getting a ton of air time.  In a few weeks though, DH and I are going camping with another couple—plumping up both the Husband and Recreation categories in one weekend!

During the past year and a half or so, I have un-earthed my inner athlete in the Exercise realm.  I spent a lot of time on task training for a 10K, a bike race, a 5K, the Warrior Dash and a Super-Sprint Triathlon.  I have enjoyed getting fit and I like competing.  I decided, however, that I need to shorten my lunch-time work outs because I remembered that I need to eat at lunch-time. I was feeling harried and manic, racing back to my desk, usually almost late and always sweaty and starving. Hey! That’s pretty balanced-ish. Except now I have to figure out how to eat less since I am not burning as many calories. Crap.  This is why balance is bad, people.

I have tried to be “balanced” and scheduled.  Mostly, I can’t manage it. Sometimes I really feel like working on the yard.  I will drop everything to weed, plant and fuss with the patio, my gardens and pots.  Likewise, when I get a yen to dust and vacuum, everyone get out of my way because who knows when the urge to clean will hit me again.  I try to write at least a little every day but some days I can’t stop writing. All the sudden its dark out, the dishes are piled in the sink and I can hear my kids’ stomachs rumble from the other end of the house.

 For the kids’ sake, I would like to be more organized in my juggling act. Jugglers have to know at all times the location of each ball. Or else they’ll drop them all.   Tiger Woods was trying to juggle chainsaws and clearly he was distracted by her boobs. Again, obviously, I don’t think poor Tiger is the best example for me to use.  I guess what I’m saying is I would like to be able to sketch out (in pencil or dry-erase, of course) a somewhat broadly defined schedule of the next year-ish. I want to be able to set goals with plenty of room for additions or revisions that are flexible enough to withstand life’s curve-balls.  I want to keep working out and doing these races keeps me motivated.  I want to run a half-marathon but I am not willing to add that much time to the exercise piece of  the pie so I will do the Towpath 10K again with the goal of improving on last-years’ time. I know, it sounds balanced but I am pretty sure I will be neglecting my dust spray and weed whacker until at least mid-October after this weekend’s birthday party, so there.

Here’s why being imbalanced sets a good example for kids.  1) If you try to do everything, you won’t be good at anything.  I am not going to join the PTA, volunteer at church, organize a recycling program at my kid’s school or learn to play the banjo.  These are all activities I have considered but I came to my senses.  Maybe next year.   This next year I want to be a kick-ass baker, an attentive mother, wife, weekend warrior and writer.  I’d like to generate enough income to hire a cleaning lady and get one of my kids into weeding. I have enough on my plate.  If I commit to all these other activities as well as to the ones I am already promised to (like my Husband and Kids) I will be overwhelmed and drop my balls.

 A period of imbalance shows the importance of passion.  If I get lost or carried away when I am spending time with the family that shows them how much I love them.  When I get absorbed in writing I am demonstrating the importance of giving credence to my dreams.  When I spend time away from the house training for an up-coming race it shows my kids that it is fun to be fit, to compete especially when you know you won’t win and to follow through when you’ve set a goal.

In the spirit of Scheduled Imbalance, in the second week of September I will be guiltily, gloriously, and gratefully living in the Writing category.  I will spend seven days alone—like Kalle Effing  Blomqvist, in a creative, productive river of coffee and sandwiches, floating on my laptop and (I hope) a very meaty outline of my WIP. So…freaking…excited!!

So, to all you alien souls living in the Host bodies of our neighbors, get out and go home.  No human is that perfect.  Or boring. I know you’re in there.  I can see it in your eyes!  Hmmm, maybe I need to account for a Stephenie Meyer column in my excel worksheet.